


Fade Out

by ThyDeviousViolet



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Psychological Drama, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 08:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4600401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThyDeviousViolet/pseuds/ThyDeviousViolet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all these years, perhaps she had reached her breaking point. The mind he had come to know and love was tainted, maybe to be lost forever, and this time there was nothing he could imagine that would bring her back from the darkness. AU Season 7-onward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_This starts off optimistic, but will become much darker as the story goes on._

_I have chosen not to divulge much from the summary, because it could ruin the twists that I wish to write. I hope you will trust my judgment that my plans for this fiction are far beyond what may appear on the surface from the first few chapters. Hopefully, if this is written as well as I hope, you will be more inclined to have faith in my story-telling as it continues._

_Reviews, good or bad, are much appreciated if you are willing. I am eager to read your opinions._

_Thank you, with love,_  
_Violet_

* * *

**Chapter 1**

For hours, I fiddled with the files in our office just to keep a close eye on my partner. Usually, she was the one who typed our reports, but I had already finished up two today because I refused to leave her alone. The last time I had looked at the clock was 2:00, and with the knowledge that we still had three hours left, I felt my heart sink for her personal wellness.

Earlier this morning, I had received a call from her with a request to carpool with me, to which I eagerly agreed. At the time, however, she failed to give me the reason for her appeal, and I had not asked, because I did not need to hear an excuse to be with her. When she entered the car, with pallor on her face, my smile faded, and we drove to work in silence after she graciously thanked me for the ride.

"Scully, are you all right?" I badgered nervously, yet again, and could almost feel her eyes roll from across the room.

Independence was never a concept that she allowed to slide from her own authority, yet with this in mind, I cannot find the strength to ignore her when she is clearly ill.

"Mulder," she hissed, and turned to give me an icy glare, but I noticed those baby blue eyes lacked the luster and the focus that they usually expressed.

My stomach must have felt violent and vengeful due to my neglect all day, and it growled to grab my attention. It also alerted Scully, and she turned to me again.

"Mulder, please go eat something before your blood sugar drops too low and I have to pick you up off the floor," she demanded.

"I won't be long. Do you want anything?" I asked, although I already knew her response.

"No, but thank you," she said politely with her eyes closed, and appeared to have swallowed bile at the thought of food.

After a moment of deliberation, I closed the office door behind me, careful to not to make a sound. All these years together, I was well aware of Scully's migraine routine.

The IVF treatment had failed miserably almost a year ago, but Scully sought comfort from the only person who she felt could give it to her, which was thankfully me.

For some stupid reason, I had assumed that once she and I overcame the physical boundaries of our relationship, that she would allow me to peer inside her mind with ease, rather than deal with the barrier that she builds around herself for protection. Alas, this was not the case, but hell, a guy can hope. After all, this was the Scully that I had come to know and love, so I was well aware of how to deduce her emotions.

There were times when I wanted to inquire about our relationship and take it further, but I would then always realize there was nothing to question.

There was a loving, passionate relationship between two people, and though often unspoken, the new physical intimacy that had developed was far beyond anything that words could complicate.

There was nothing else we needed to figure out.

When Scully had approached me about IVF, I was shocked that she had so boldly initiated a catalyst to go forward with me for her future…well, our future. Although it was overshadowed by her strong desire for motherhood, and the technical means for my sperm to be used for her gain (as hard as I tried, I could never get aroused by that), I knew it was my job to interpret her request for something deeper: she had chosen me to be her partner, in every way, forever.

Our partnership had always consisted of interpretation for the other's silence. Somehow, miraculously, we were always right.

In record speed, I purchased a greasy Philly cheese steak sandwich for myself, before I went to the healthier, all natural deli across the street to pick up some tasteless broth for Scully. There was a good chance she wouldn't eat it, but I could try to convince her to do it for her own health, although she's a doctor and should know better than to keep herself from nourishment, even when she feels queasy.

Before I entered the office again, my food had already been eaten; I did not want to cause a selfish assault on Scully's gastrointestinal system from the strong odor of my food while she was so sensitive to smell. I would also be less than thrilled to clean up vomit from the office, though I'm sure the color might add a certain decorative flair to the dingy design.

As I entered the door, I found Scully in a brief moment of weakness with her head in her hands. Immediately, she pretended to be busy as she assessed some of the notes from an autopsy. Internally, I smiled, and sat the broth on my desk.

After I sat down, I saw her eyes assess the small cup of soup. If I'm not mistaken, a hint of a smile twitched at the corners of her lips.

"Mulder, I don't know what to say about this autopsy," she started softly, and I glanced over to her.

How she could function so highly under the pain of her head always fascinated me. Anytime I had I migraine I was a sloppy mess, though these fundamental differences between her and I said so very much about her Type-A personality… and my lack thereof one.

"Which is to say?" I said, completely confused.

"I cannot come to any conclusions about what killed this man. Usually there is some minute detail to offer some credibility, but I have nothing at all this time," she explained.

"Write the report the way I see it…" I suggested, and she frowned.

"…And say this man encountered his doppelganger, and was therefore fated to die?" she guessed, and I nodded.

"Better than nothing," I said with a shrug, as she shook her head, and then rose to remove the broth from my desk. The pain must have been awful, because she did not bother to have an intellectual argument about the case.

"Thank you…" she said in regard to the soup, but as she walked toward me, she must have encountered something unpleasant, because she walked very quickly out the door toward the bathroom.

For a moment I considered following, but stopped, with enough knowledge of my partner to know that she would be far beyond her threshold for irritation and embarrassment to control her actions after she was done.

The clock read 3:37, and I began to pack our possessions to leave. Scully came back, around ten minutes later, with sweat glistened across her face, and with white lips.

"You look like hell, partner," I said with an air of finality, and yet again she did not bother to argue.

"Are we going home?" she squawked, throat dry and probably sore, and I nodded. Silently, she grabbed her purse and jacket, and waited for me at the door. The frown on her face mimicked a child that had been reprimanded from eating cookies before dinner.

* * *

On the ride home, Scully had almost made it, before she urged me to pull the car over. Obediently, I did as I was told, and watched as she vomited spectacularly with the door open. Uncomfortable, I held her hair, and took a napkin from the glove compartment so that she could wipe her mouth. Tears pooled in her eyes, and I could not tell if this was a normal response to her retching, or if she was simply mortified at her uncontrollable behavior.

"Mulder, I'm sorr-" she started, but I ushered her apology away with my hand before she could finish.

"Scully, you've seen me puke before, and I've seen you do it, too. It is a normal, human response. Plus, we're way past the phase where we pretend we aren't disgusting creatures," I began in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Please do not feel an obligation to stay with me when I get home. I appreciate your help, but I am more than capable of taking care of myself," she urged, though she knew very well what my intentions were and that my mind was already made up.

"Are you kidding me?" I said, almost irritated, and when she noticed my tone she frowned.

"I'm fine, this is nothing new," she stated, with a glare that could freeze magma.

Well, this had turned into a disagreement rather quickly. Not to say that we fought often, but it was not completely uncommon, though this was nothing new that had developed from our own progress. Scully and I had always challenged each other, and I used this to offer myself some peace of mind at times like these.

"Can you please not do this right now?" I urged.

Yet,there were times when I wondered if we would ever progress past the point where this conflict was no longer an issue. Some sort of deeper emotional connection was expected when two people became involved, yet it always seemed as though we lacked the openness that I had often expected, and I could not decipher if I was just expecting too much, or if she was giving too little.

"Mulder, if you cannot respect my wishes, then you do not respect me."

"Scully, this isn't about me relishing your weakness, it's about me having peace of mind," I replied, now frustrated.

"About what?" she almost yelled, and her whole body writhed in annoyance.

"…About you! After everything we've been through, for the life of me I can never understand why you get so distressed when I worry about you."

"Perhaps it's because you immediately make everything about you," she sighed, and her words ripped through my being.

"This argument sounds familiar," I finally replied, after a long moment of silence.

That fateful day in the office, all those years ago, she had complained about the same thing. Admittedly, I was well aware I often over-stepped the boundaries she places for herself, but now that we were more than platonic, it has been even more difficult to hold myself in restraint.

"Mulder, forgive me. I feel sick and my patience is thin, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry," she apologized. Now she felt regret, and attempted to soothe my ego. Damn, maybe she was right about my selfish tendencies. In profound consideration, I took a deep breath.

"No, really, don't feel bad. At least you're being honest. Sometimes I just wish I could offer you the comfort you give me. We're just…different people. What I want to give you is not always what you want to receive."

"I appreciate your understanding," she said quietly, before she closed her eyes and settled into her seat. Maybe if I could shut my big mouth and respect her need for privacy, we would never have to stress about conversations like this. After all these years, one would think I would have stopped nagging her long ago, but I could never bring myself to feign disinterest or lack of concern.

After I pulled into her apartment, I nudged her softly, and she begrudgingly woke up enough just to enter her building.

* * *

Despite my best effort, I failed time and time again to feign comfort alone in my apartment. Truth be told, I could not recall the last time I had slept here. Most of my private time lately had been spent in some sort of passionate throw with Scully, though I could not mind in the slightest.

Eight years of lust will do that to people.

It would be ridiculous to portray the image that all we did was have sex, because that is in no way realistic, but for some reason it was all I could think about when I was alone. I guess some things never change…

Perhaps my apartment was never really a home. Not to say that I now viewed Scully's place as my home, but at least it was filled with a warmth created by two people. My apartment was full of loneliness and depressive thoughts that seemed to invade my conscience regardless of my mood, as well as a general lack of normal, homey supplies. There was no food, aside from some old take-out that was sure to be rotted, and the only clothes that remained were dirty.

Hell, I even moved my fish to Scully's after she insisted that, in caring for them all these years whenever I had disappeared, it would be a shame for me to destroy all her hard work

Simply put, there was nothing worth value to me in this apartment any longer. With that said, however, there was no way I could move in with her based on my personal wishes. If there was one thing I'd learned with my partner, it was to wait for her signals, because if pushed without her permission, she would crumble from the expectation.

Today's outburst had been a direct result of this principle.

Although our relationship had always been positive, arguments had occurred more frequently than usual to account for the changes in our bond, which we had both anticipated. We were very different people, with very different views, and now that we were more open with each other and spent more time together, conflict could not be avoided as easily as it could before.

The entire issue of her fierce independence was not only one that I assumed would cause clashes, but also it continued to be the main problem between us. At times, I worried that one-day she may come to sacrifice me in return for her freedom, and the thought made me feel sick.

With this in mind, I occasionally had to remind myself to ease off when I so desperately wanted to cling to her for my own positive, internal reappraisal of our relationship. Perhaps the greatest benefit of my psychology degree was that I was armed with the tools to effectively infer what bubbled under the surface of our complicated personalities, and could navigate in a way that was good for both of us.

As I pondered these thoughts, and slipped back into my old insomniatic tendencies, before the phone rang and interrupted my thought process.

A surge of excitement ran through me, and I answered more quickly than necessary.

"Mulder…" I purred seductively, as I knew very well the only person who would call at this hour.

One of the reasons I had been staying at her place, was that her late night calls for me to come over had become so frequent that we both thought it necessary to simply sleep in the same bed every night. If I answered and her voice was deep, it almost always meant lust, but if it was high-pitched, it was her desire to have a companion to take away her loneliness in the middle of the night. Never picky, I always happily obliged for each, although I preferred the former.

"Mulder it's me. I'm sorry to bother you," she said in a weak voice, and immediately I stifled my arousal. This voice was different.

"You're not bothering me. Is everything okay?" I asked, and tried to be as subtle as possible.

"I haven't been able to keep anything down, and I think I'm getting dehydrated. Normally, I would drive myself to the hospital, but I'm light-headed and it's too difficult to function," she mumbled slowly, and I sprang up quickly from the couch.

"I'll be right over."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

After I had rooted through the apartment for a clean pair of jeans, I came to the conclusion that none existed, and without patience I quickly threw on a pair that had been wadded in the back of my closet. God only knows how long they had been there, but the denim reeked of alcohol and peach body oil (definitely circa 1995… how embarrassing) and the fabric was a bit too tight for my comfort.

However, I could not have cared less.

Though I am not sure how fast I had driven, I am sure I reached Scully's apartment in record time, because when I opened her door with my key, she was very tightly wrapped in a heated blanket on the couch. The expression on her face was difficult to read, and I noticed she was not wearing make-up, so I was certain she felt like hell.

My heart felt like it stopped for a brief moment as if the serious aspects of this situation, mainly the act of defeat expressed in her plea for a hospital escort, had not seemed real until the sight of her in such bad shape snapped me into attention. Frozen in the doorway, I finally took a step toward her small body.

"Tell me what to do," I asked, and felt pathetic.

"I just need to get into your car," she said after a deep breath.

Immediately I took a few more steps toward her, and watched as she struggled to raise herself.

"Here…" I stated, and offered the strength of my arms to urge her frame off the couch, where it currently hovered. A side-glance from her was filled with doubt, and I could see her internally debate whether or not she could do it herself, before she extended her arms in my direction.

After about five agonized minutes, I had effectively guided Scully to the car. In all honesty, it would have been much faster had I just picked her up, though I felt that was too dramatic and would have bothered my partner when the goal was to make her as comfortable as possible.

"Are you dizzy, or do you just feel weak?" I finally had the courage to ask inside the car.

"Both, I suppose," she replied after a long moment and a deep sigh.

Based on this subtle explanation, I knew very well to be silent. Not only did she not feel well, but it seemed to me that she was also alarmed at her own situation, which caused a knot to form in my stomach.

When we reached the hospital, I felt relief that the emergency room was essentially calm tonight, as she could be evaluated more quickly. Scully lacked the loss of a limb or a bloody gash, so I knew very well that she would not take priority over other individuals who physically appeared to be unwell if they existed. Luckily, she had been admitted after about forty-five minutes.

A wheelchair had been provided for her assistance, and a pitiful half-smile was thrown my way as she was wheeled away from me into a room. Moments such as this, though far and few between, almost always convinced me to gather the courage to propose to her. Not so much for the institution of marriage, but because there were legal rights that married couples had together that did not apply to us, which is so unfair. If something tragic were to occur in the field or elsewhere, I would not be allowed to see her, and that thought sickens me.

After all we had been through, I was always forced to wait as an outsider while she was poked and prodded for some medical purpose. Scully had similar experiences when I was injured or sick, but because she often served as my physician, she was able to gain access to my charts and records even if she could not see me, which probably served as some small sort of ease for her worries.

Internally, I was always a total mess anytime something like this occurred to her, because fear of the unknown always consumed my mind. Of course, this could be something simple like dehydration, but what if this was something more sinister? Scully's cancer, until now, had been in remission, but the thought of its return absolutely abolishes any sort of happiness from my mind.

In order to preserve my sanity, however, I refused to make any assumptions until I heard from Scully about her condition…whatever that could be.

At some point, I must have fallen asleep in the waiting room, because I was awakened by what appeared to be a nurse.

"Mr. Mulder, you can see Dana now, if you'd like," she explained gently, and I smiled before I got up to enter the room.

I placed my fist against the door and knocked politely, although I wanted nothing more than to barge inside and flood her with questions. A heavy feeling overwhelmed my chest when she replied with a soft voice to come in.

At first glance, Scully's eyes looked blank and red, like some zombie had replaced her in my absence. Quickly, I moved to her bedside and sat next to her on a chair, but she refused to make eye contact.

"What is it?" I urged, eyes wide, and I felt my world slipping apart.

"I…I don't know what to say to you," she replied, and after she finally looked at me her eyes moved back to her hands, before tears started to pool.

Mentally and emotionally, I now deemed myself unstable, but physically I needed to lie. If anything, I could feign optimism or even calm long enough to talk with her, and then walk myself down the hall to the nearest bathroom, where I could lose myself to grief.

"Whatever it is, we'll get through this, Scully," I choked, and went silent at the end, but I continued to stare into her, as though my intensity could save her from whatever doom was on the horizon. Tears would not form for me, but I could feel that fear had begun to express itself on my face.

I had never mastered the art of emotion-stifle, and I hated myself for that fact. Scully began to sob quietly, and without the courage to watch her any longer, I placed my head in my hands and felt myself go numb for the time being.

"Mulder, you need to hold it together, and I need to as well," she began to explain, and I felt her gently pull my hands from my face.

"We've been through this before, and we can do it again," I started to urge, and turned to my ridiculous drive for the truth to offer comfort for us both. If I had found what she had needed to cure her cancer once, I would do whatever it takes to solve this problem again.

"I assure you, we have not," she disagreed, and my emotion changed to confusion.

"What?" I asked, now in fear that whatever this was, it was more aggressive and deadly than last time.

"I am three months pregnant," she stated, and looked fearful as she delivered the news.

The current state of the chemical balances inside me where now overwhelmed by adrenaline, and I rose quickly to my feet as I started to pace the room. No…this was not possible… a few moments ago in my mind she was a dying woman, and yet now, with this knowledge, she could not have been more full of life.

At first I was overjoyed that she was still able to live the rest of her life with me (I'm a complete narcissist sometimes), and then the weight of her answer truly hit me like a train. Finally, everything she had wanted could come true! My Scully would be a mother, my deserving, overworked, and under appreciated Scully could finally be granted with such a gift! I continued to pace before an even bigger idea hit me.

Was I the father?

My lips must have gone white, because I felt them tingle, and then I sat down next to Scully again.

"Mulder, put your head between your legs," she urged softly, and I listened with obedience.

Fatherhood did not scare me, in fact I wanted a child with Scully as a priority, but after the failed IVF we knew to truly give up, and that was a year ago…

Although I'm not a skeptic, I could not allow myself to believe so easily without question. Yet, I could not overlook a moment like this, for two people who had deserved happiness for so long. As the blood rushed back to my face, I sat up and looked at Scully again.

"I assume what you were experiencing was morning sickness...?" I questioned, and she nodded solemnly. "But...but it only lasted for a day...how could you be so far along?" I asked, and for some reason I had chosen to question the most basic things before I moved into the area where we were both totally baffled.

"I've been sick for the past month or so, but I ignored it for a while. I _was_ dehydrated, by the way, which explains the weakness," she said, as though it were a bonus, and a small part of me was bothered by the fact that she had hidden her symptoms from me, but I chose to spare this argument for another time.

"Scully…this is a miracle. Why were you sobbing? I thought you had cancer!" I said, and went from astonishment to slight anger. These mood swings on my part were ridiculous.

"I was sobbing because this is a medical abnormality! This is not possible. I've allowed myself to hope for so long, and I am not about to allow myself to be fooled again."

"Scully, there is medical and scientific proof that you are indeed carrying a child in your womb, forget what happened before and just embrace this moment. I know it's confusing…but this sort of thing happens all the time," I urged.

"What if it isn't yours? What if this isn't even human, and I'm carrying it inside me?" she questioned, and in the middle of this chaos I almost had to smile.

"Okay, now you sound like me Scully."

"Dammit, Mulder, I am not joking! I have come to accept that things I cannot explain happened to me, and after those things occurred, I was left barren. Who is to say that whatever this is, is just another aspect of the unexplained?" she continued to question, and it would be a lie if I did not admit internally that her claims could be true to an extent.

What almost overwhelmed me most was that to this day, she still could not say she was abducted, even though she knows the correct term, and she acknowledges it has happened. Damn the skeptic inside her that believed this whole thing was alien, despite the paradox that creates…

"Can we look at a more normal approach?" I finally suggested, because this was the idea that not only seemed the most miraculous, but also the most believable.

"What would that be?" she questioned, and I could see she was eager for some grand explanation.

"That the human body is a marvelous thing that sometimes defies our current knowledge of science. What if this is just natural? My sperm met one of your eggs during hanky panky and _viola_ , now you're pregnant…it happens to people who've been deemed infertile all the time," I explained, and nearly stunned myself that I was arguing for science, while Scully urged paranormal.

"Mulder, it's more than infertility, it is a complete lack of eggs! A primary oocyte has to exist before it can be fertilized and morph into a zygote... The female body cannot regenerate eggs, and even if it could, it most definitely would not occur at my age."

There was a long pause in the conversation, as we both sat in silence from the complete shock of everything.

"Do you want this baby, Scully?" I finally asked, and her facial expression looked more pure than I had ever seen.

"Mulder, I want a baby, but I don't know if this-"

"-do you want a baby with me?" I interrupted slowly, and lost some of my confidence at the end because I could not look her in the eye for a moment.

"Mulder, you know the answer to that," she said tenderly, but it lacked the special emotion that came from hearing the direct words from her mouth.

"I want…I need…to hear you say it."

"Mulder, I want a baby with you," she said, and finally I saw what appeared to be the beginning of happy tears.

"Let's have a baby Scully."


	3. Chapter 3

The gift, wonder, and rather alien experience of pregnancy fascinated both Scully and I more than we would admit. Although she was now roughly 4 ½ months along, and she was the one carrying our child, I could not help but consider that we were amidst the same metamorphosis together.

Hell, the true physical transformations to her body had yet to occur, yet I waited with eager eyes to savor the moment when it arrived. To a degree, I thought she could be slightly adverse to the weight gain that lingered in the future, but I could not wait to assure her that there was nothing more gorgeous than what ballooned inside her small frame.

In fact, just this morning, I had awakened to notice that her regular presence was not next to me in bed. Slowly, I sat up in groggy confusion, before I caught her staring at herself in the full body mirror.

In the comfort of her own apparent solitude, she placed a hand at the tiny bulge that existed on her lower abdomen, frowned slightly, and sighed. In response, I cleared my throat with disdain, and she turned to me in that matter-of-fact, "what the hell are you looking at" expression. Despite her raised eyebrow, I could tell she found it humorous that she had been caught.

"Good morning, narcissist," I finally said.

"Good morning to you, eavesdropper," she replied, and glanced back to the mirror, before she turned to change out of her pajamas.

"You know, I've never known you to be one for vanity," I urged, and somewhat hoped that she would confirm my suspicion that she was concerned about her weight.

"Well, for one, I have never been pregnant, so excuse _me_ for being curious about _my_ body. Two, I sense a tad bit of suspicion in your voice, and I almost do not appreciate your tone," she replied, thick with sarcasm, and I smiled brightly.

If she wanted to banter this early in the morning, I would giver her whatever she wanted.

"Scully, your accusation burns me," I replied with mock offense.

"Tell me what's on the tip of your tongue," she said, and took on a more serious tone.

"It's more of a question, but I'd rather not offend you or pry," I admitted.

"I have never known that to stop you before, but all right," she almost chuckled. I took a deep breath and assessed her features before I deemed it safe to continue.

Lately, she had been a tad more emotional, which is very obviously normal for a pregnant woman, but not for _my_ Scully.

Ironically, although I have often yearned for years that she would allow me to peer inside her mind with ease, the fact that she was now so susceptible to her emotions sometimes had me on edge. Not that it made me personally uncomfortable, but I was more worried for her expressive sake.

"Are you okay with all the changes that are going to happen to your body?" I asked, slowly, and she thought for a moment, before she smiled.

"My mother had a similar conversation with me when I was twelve, Mulder," she groaned.

Jesus Christ, she was incredibly sardonic today, which was a complete turn on. For the moment, I stifled the erotic urge and continued. How _dare_ she try to seduce me when I was trying to be serious? Briefly I wonder when she and I changed roles again, and then I come back into reality.

" _You_ have failed to answer the question," I urged, and she rolled her eyes.

"Your question was not necessarily honest. What you really meant to ask, is if I am going to be okay with weight gain, am I right?" she pushed.

"Well, are you going to be okay with it?" I asked, eyes wide.

"Yes, it is only natural for a woman to gain weight during a pregnancy, and I should be no exception."

"So then why do I get the sense that you've been paranoid about it lately?"

"Honestly, I thought I'd be showing a little more by now. But at the same time, once I start showing, it is inevitable that I have to tell Skinner, which I am not exactly looking forward to doing."

"Oh, so it's not just an irrational fear of being physically different and in turn having to face the changes in your life?"

"Are you trying to profile me, Mulder?"

"Scully…"

"I am _not_ afraid of the weight gain," she admitted, but also ignored the bulk of my actual concern, which bothered me.

As I thought long and hard, I wondered if this would be a good time to probe her about living together, but left it alone for the moment. For the life of me, I could not ask her, even though time continued to tick away, and the longer I waited, the harder it would be for us to adjust to the change. Honestly, I was a little hurt that she still had not asked, but at the same time I think it is fair for her to feel slightly overwhelmed. After all, I'm not the one carrying our child.

If she needed time to grasp everything, then I would wait until then. It took us years to finally get to this point in our relationship, so I should not have been surprised that she was reluctant to move quickly from here.

Sometimes I wonder if I am making excuses for her, but I always force the thought from my mind. At some point in the future, however, if things do not change, I wonder when I might have to force myself to stop. Communication is key, and although we communicate well when we _choose_ to speak, I fear that we are still in the habit keeping our actual issues to ourselves.

"Oh, well should we be worried that you aren't showing as much as you expected?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"It isn't enough to be alarming, and my physician has insisted that everything is all right. I think I'm just being unreasonable," she admitted, and my worry faded. The look on her face seemed to have changed, and I hated to cause her anxiety.

"…Maybe I planted the seed too deep," I suggested with a shrug, and she stifled laughter.

"That is possibly the most unromantic thing you've ever said to me," she admitted, though I think she was slightly in denial over my _obvious_ flattery.

"Hold on, let's go back for a moment. When are you going to tell Skinner?" I asked, and it was her turn to shrug.

This was another conflict that seemed to brew on the horizon, and she had avoided it like the plague. For one, she had refused to tell Skinner, but what bothered me _most_ was that she insisted on working until she gave birth.

Multiple times she had groaned to complain, "I am not an invalid Mulder, I am simply pregnant" which I respected, but at the same time, I thought it completely ignorant to jeopardize our miracle in any form.

Of course, it was not often that we were shot at or placed in physical jeopardy on the job, and Scully could assess evidence away from harm while I investigated, but I refused to send us out in the field. Although we had never discussed it, Scully had quickly discovered my efforts, and was slightly irritated.

I've had us confined to the office since the day she told me, and planned to keep things that way until I could figure out a plan to sidetrack ourselves until the child was born. There was always paperwork to be done, but we both had our limits for boredom, and Skinner was sure to question why we were playing things safely.

Which brings me back to my _original_ conflict…I had decided that if by six months she had not told Skinner, I would do it myself. Mostly because I needed an ally to help me safely keep Scully from excessive risks, without having to face her scorn as a result alone.

Also, as I was already well aware, Scully's doctor had suggested that she might be placed on bed rest toward the end of her pregnancy, due to complications and concerns that could arise from her age. Desperately, I hoped it would not come to that, because if she were forced into that I do not know how she would react.

However, I refuse to dwell on that unless we are forced to deal with it in the future. To be honest, I do not know that I can fathom any added stress on my mind.

* * *

Scully typed away on an unfinished report as I feigned business across the office, as per usual lately. Rummage a file here, type a few words of nonsense on my computer there, pretend to be deep in thought…all a façade to keep my subtly pregnant, ever keen partner at bay for a while.

After a few weeks of this, I am well aware that she has grown restless, and I have caught an occasional glare under the rim of her glasses. If Scully's only complaint was that I was dedicated to keeping her and our unborn child safe until I figured out another plan for the next five months, then so be it. Dammit, I had to tell Skinner.

Of course, deep down what bothered her most was that I had attempted to do this in a subtle way, although I am aware that she is much brighter than I am and she notices everything down to the small detail.

The X-Files have always been my crusade and her burden, so I know she does not miss the call of duty, but to keep her at such an unproductive level against her permission must be annoying. That being said, I am still amazed that she has not complained to me about the issue.

In a sense, this was almost a test to see how long she would be willing to stifle her own emotions toward me, because I needed to know that she would be able to convey her needs to me more effectively in the near future.

"-are you going to answer that?" her voice beckoned, and snapped me from my internal evaluation. Suddenly, I realized that the phone was ringing, and I smiled sheepishly at her before I answered.

"Mulder," I finally scrambled out of my mouth.

"Agent Mulder, would you and Agent Scully mind coming up to my office? Now. I'd like a word," Skinner mumbled, in a tone that suggested he sensed something was a-rumble in the basement.

"…Yes sir," I agreed, and the phone clicked immediately.

 _Shit_.

"What was that about?" Scully questioned, arms crossed and brow furrowed.

"Skinner wants to talk to us," I said with a deep breath, and we rose from our seats at the same time.

Scully's eyes were glued to mine as we walked out the door. There was an urgent undertone in her expression, as if to warn me not to speak too freely in his office. The mood between us was suddenly tense as we ascended in the elevator.

"You don't think this would be a good time to tell him," I finally said, and stared down at her pursed lips. A sigh of frustration was emitted from her mouth, and yet she now refused to make eye contact.

"Mulder, do not push me on this," she replied, and I shook my head.

"This is getting completely unwise and stubborn," I stated, and her head snapped to look up at me.

"Excuse me? As stubborn as keeping us held hostage in the basement because I am carrying a child? Skinner is well aware something is not right, and this is all your fault," she whispered.

"If you'd swallow your pride and tell Skinner already, I wouldn't have had to do any of this," I defended.

"You don't have to _do_ anything, but you've chosen to do this as a means to force me into telling Skinner before I am ready to do so," she continued.

To be perfectly honest, these habits of hers were now starting to present themselves more, and my patience was on the verge of dissolve. Despite my subtle pleas, Scully continued to ignore my needs.

"If he asks about what's been going on, I'm telling him the truth," I warned, now fully ready to let him know. There was no point in going on like this, but I had wanted her to tell Skinner on her own terms. Obviously, that was not going to happen.

"Mulder, if you do anything like that, I will never forgive you," she warned in return, and we glared at each other before the elevator door opened.

The tension that hung in the air could have been cut with a knife, and after she had thrown one final death stare my way, we walked to Skinner's office in uncomfortable silence. After a moment of hesitation, I knocked on the door, and he ushered us in quickly.

"Agents," he said with a quick nod, but even his air of intimidation paled quickly when he noticed the strain between Scully and myself. He stood for a moment with his mouth slightly agape as we sat down, before he then joined us in the action.

"Would you mind explaining why the two of you have been getting comfy in the basement? You haven't been in the field for over a month," he accused, but his gaze seemed to quickly lose nerve against Scully's stone cold expression, so his question was now geared toward me alone.

"We've been finishing up paperwork, sir, and continue to evaluate old cases. In fact, I thought the bureau would appreciate our frugality with less expenses," I replied.

"Agent Mulder, cut the bullshit. Is this a personal matter between the two of you? I'm not here to slap you on the wrists, even though this would be against protocol. I simply want to understand what is happening," he urged, and lost the toughness in his voice.

"What are you suggesting, sir?" Scully now questioned, and he eyed her carefully.

"…Is this the result of a lover's quarrel?" he asked after a long moment of silence.

" _Oh_ my _God_ ," Scully groaned, and her body language showed obvious disgust.

"Sir, we are not as unprofessional as you insinuate, if you are insinuating that Agent Scully and myself allow personal conflicts to cloud our judgment on the job, " I replied, almost angry, but was moved by how remarkably Skinner had hit the issue on the head.

"Agents, I don't care what you do outside of work, and I'm not here to pry, but I would like some sort of explanation. Agent Scully, would you like to explain?" he said, and I could sense a desperate attempt from him to understand.

It was hard not to like and respect the man who had put his ass on the line for us time and time again.

"Sir, I apologize, but I have no information to offer you," she replied, and my gut churned.

"All right, then. Agent Mulder, you're sure you have nothing to say?" he urged, and for a moment a brief flicker of a solution blossomed inside me.

"…Yes… I am…sure I have nothing to say," I replied slowly, but widened my eyes for emphasis. Internally, I was screaming for help. Truly I hoped he could see my desperation and tell Scully to leave the room, like some sort of guy code that connected us telepathically.

Skinner eyed me carefully in confusion, but Scully seemed to notice my game immediately, and I saw her suck in a deep breath before she balled her fists. Skinner then turned his attention toward her obvious display of distaste.

"…Agent Scully, you seem visibly distraught. Why don't you take the day off?" Skinner now suggested, and briefly looked at me for clarification. Quickly, while Scully reeled from Skinner's words, I threw a look of satisfaction his way.

Scully then took one last glare at me, before she walked out of the office quickly and shut the door. Surely she expected that our conversation would consist of the "topic" she had warned me about, but simply put, she would have no proof to be angry with me.

"Agent Mulder, please tell me what the hell is going on?" he now urged, and looked exasperated.

"Lower your voice, I would be wiling to bet you anything that she is listening through the door as we speak…" I whispered, and Skinner's eyes widened, as if to remark about my fearfulness.

"You have my attention," he whispered back, and I almost smiled to know that he was smart enough to fear Scully's wrath just like me. That fact alone proved to me that he would make a capable ally.

"Sir, there is something that you need to know, but it goes against my partner's wishes, and she's going to have my ass if you don't do as I say," I began.

"And what is that?" he urged, and leaned forward.

"Promise me that you won't tell Scully what we discuss in here," I explained.

"Damn it, Mulder, I promise," he said in exasperation.

"Agent Scully is pregnant," I finally said, after a long moment of consideration.

"…" Skinner stared at me, unable to comprehend.

"Agent Scully is pregnant with my child, although she was deemed barren some years ago as a direct result of her abduction."

"You're sure of this?" he pressed.

"Positive. Listen, we tried IVF a year ago, and it failed miserably. I thought it would destroy her, take away her final hope to create life…but then this…this miracle happened. You must understand why I have to take this so seriously," I continued, and he was fully enveloped into my tale.

"Of course…Mulder, that's great news. But why hasn't Agent Scully told me about this? How far along is she?"

"Roughly 4 ½ months, but, that's the problem. She's refused to tell you until she's ready, even though I don't know when that will be. Sir, I need her safe, even if it's overkill to keep her in the office…I don't care. And I need you to back me on this."

"Absolutely, but I don't know how you can expect me to keep her at bay? And she's no dummy, she's probably well aware of what we are discussing right now."

"I know that…just, don't let on that you know until she tells you, okay? Until then, maybe I can keep up my charade, and I think she'll go along with it, but once she tells you, I need you to force her to be somewhere safe."

"Absolutely, and you have my permission to keep doing what you're doing. I fully support both of you, though I am a little confused as to why Agent Scully is not the one who decided to tell me."

"Yeah, of course, but that doesn't really matter. Listen, I know you can't help me too much at this point, but more than anything I just thought it was necessary to let you know about her condition."

"Good, and I'm glad. I offer you my congratulations, Mulder, and if you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask…I mean it, " he said, and I immediately trusted him for support. With a nod I rose from my seat, now focused on the bigger issue at hand.

"Thank you very much, sir, I appreciate it. Now, I think I'm gonna have my ass handed to me by Scully, so I'm gonna go take care of that," I mumbled sadly, and he chuckled as I left the room.

Desperately, as I made my way to the basement again, I hoped that she was home by now, fully soaked in a warm bath with the day's frustrations behind her. It would give me time to let her calm down before she assaulted me with demands to give her a detailed description of my conversation with Skinner.

If she did not accuse me of revealing our secret, I would simply lie about everything I told Skinner, and soothe her concerns. As a grown man, I was well aware that lies are evil and can damage relationships, but experience also told me the same thing about the truth.

Scully was also hostage to a slew of pregnancy hormones, of which she is slowly becoming accustomed to handling, so I'd rather not have those assault either of us as a result of her rage.

But, if Scully immediately accused me of telling Skinner everything, to put it simply, I will not stand a chance and will most likely be neutered. As well as I know Scully, I can dream for option one, but option two will probably become my reality.

Who was I kidding? As hard as I tried to take a humorous approach, I knew that if she indeed confronted me, there would be an argument beyond our comprehension. There would be an argument that forced new issues to be addressed, which she has never been willing to deal with up until now.

Time was in my favor, however, and in this one moment I was thankful we did not live together. Time would calm her down, and would allow me to gather my thoughts on the situation.

As though irony wished to see my downfall, however, I opened the door of the basement office to find her fuming in my seat at the desk. The look of surprise on my face quickly turned into agony, and then to numbness, as she stared a hole through my body.

"Have a nice chat?" she urged.

"Scully, I'd rather not-"

"-I'd rather not have had you gossiping with Skinner about concerns that are private."

"What did you expect me to do? This is so completely ridiculous," I declared, and was adamant that I was not wrong in this.

"What's ridiculous is that you completely ignore my specific concerns and instructions. Did you consider the reason I hadn't told Skinner yet, was that my risk for miscarriage is higher than most women due to my age, especially this early in my pregnancy?"

"No, I did not, but it still had to be said. Scully, you won't guilt me."

"I am not trying to guilt you Mulder, I am not manipulative like you are."

"Manipulative?"

"Had you simply expressed your fear to me about my safety, I might have opted to stay out of the field until my pregnancy is over. But, instead of doing that, you thought it would be best to go against my judgment and try to keep me captive in here until I was forced to tell Skinner! Am I wrong yet?"

"…No, but don't hand me that pretentious bullshit now to shift the blame, Scully. You are the queen of avoidance! You barely acknowledge the limitations that result from your pregnancy, as well as the risks, and you sure as hell don't acknowledge my concerns in this relationship."

"What's your point?! Why is this about you?"

"Will you stop fucking saying that? It's not about _me_ , it's about us! I need to feel confident that we are in this together. Half the time I feel that you're avoiding things that need to be spoken, and the other half of the time you're just pushing me away."

"Pushed you away? You practically live in my apartment, Mulder, I cannot fathom what more you could want!"

"I want depth, Scully, from you! I need to feel secure in this relationship to know we can raise this baby together."

"I will not stand here and be attacked! Give me an example of what depth I have not been giving you?"

"Oh, stop acting like you're right all the time, when you're just as human as I am. Ever since we started this…this thing between us, our communication hasn't changed. I still have to interpret your silences."

"That's just who I am-"

"-No, no, don't give me that, it's an excuse. You know how much it means to me for you to be more open. I don't expect you to change your character, but I do expect you to be comfortable enough to share things with me without being prompted! It's like pulling teeth."

"Being with me is like pulling teeth?"

"You know what I mean! And then, this…this thing that just lingers over us is the fact that we live together without actually living together. It's like, you'll allow me so far into your life, but you're still keeping me at arms length, holding the control in the relationship, by preventing me from moving in."

"Hold on, just a second! You have never once suggested anything about moving in! I cannot read minds, Mulder."

"I shouldn't have to ask, damn it! You know me well enough to know that I respect your boundaries enough that I wouldn't push you."

"You wouldn't push me, Mulder? You force your way into my matters all the time, and I do my best to soothe your absurd ego, but this has gone too far."

"That's just who I am," I replied with bitter mockery and a shrug.

"Are you looking for some sort of clarification here? There's quite a lot going on in our lives right now, and I'm struggling to make sense of it all at once. Maybe if you weren't such a fuck up, I could depend on you enough to share my problems!"

No…no no no.

The silence was loud.

"A fuck up?" I finally asked, and nodded my head with pursed lips.

"…I just do not appreciate your efforts to force your way into my life."

"That's the thing! It's like we are still living two separate lives, when it should be one that's shared by now! And you know, because I am _such_ a fuck up, it must be _so_ hard for you to get close to me. Jesus Scully, I finally see your Ice Queen reputation is becoming of you."

That was it! Based on her expression, that was the precise moment where she had finally been stung by my words. Satisfaction should not have flowed through my veins, but I'd be damned if I did not admit that it pumped through my being.

"Then I don't know what more I can give you, Mulder. Maybe this is why it has taken us so long to get to this point in our relationship, maybe we were always destined for failure," she said softly, and suddenly the guilt hit me.

Why am I such a jackass?

"Scully, I…I want this to work out, I mean, I need this to work out, but I cannot live my life like this…I just won't."

"We shouldn't be unhappy."

"You're right."

We stared at one another for a long time. Tears clouded my eyes, but I was unsure of what to do. Scully lingered, before she turned to leave, and I took one silent step toward her before she turned to me.

"Don't follow me, please, I'd like to be alone."

Surprisingly, I agreed with her, and I watched her walk out without any feeling of remorse.

What made this fight so scary was that the bulk of it was not composed of hurtful things said to spite one another, but rather was made of real issues that may or may not have been out of our control.

A feeling of helplessness overwhelmed me, and I sat down at my desk, steeped in confusion.

* * *

Darkness engulfed the world around me, as I drove to Scully's apartment. Oddly enough, I had formed no plan or revelation in her absence, but I was suffocated by an immense urge to be within her presence. It would not fix anything, but it might take some of the pain away temporarily. Hopefully she felt the same.

A small part of me was terrified, as I was unsure of how she would receive me after our rather epic fight some hours ago, but I did not care. If I was a pathetic mess in her eyes, then at least I could say I tried.

I was never one to give up easily, and I do believe she found this quality admirable. Or, at least, she used to, though that now seemed like a time long ago.

Quickly, I shook the melodramatic, pitiful mood and began to walk into her building. After what seemed to be an eternity, I arrived at her door, used my key, and opened to find the apartment darkened. As my eyes adjusted, I realized her bathroom light was on, and I silently made my way over there.

The door was cracked, and I could peek in just enough to find Scully at peace with herself in the bathtub. A green facemask was painted on her face, and bubbles consumed her body up to her neck.

For some reason, as I knew I had intruded on a private moment, I ushered myself inside the bathroom quietly to join her, as though this simple gesture could make everything all right for the time being. As I unbuttoned my shirt, I glanced over to see her with one eye open.

At this contact, I paused, before she opened her other eye. Then, in the moment that sealed the deal, she smiled sadly at me as if to apologize, and I did the same. Soon, I folded my shirt, out of habit from Scully's mere presence alone, before I slipped out of the rest of my clothes.

Well aware of my intentions, and from what I assume was her own desire as well, she scooted forward so that I might find my place behind her in the tub. Quickly, I adjusted to the heat of the water as I dipped myself in, and she relaxed her body against mine. For a while, we lay together in silence, exhausted from the day.

Somehow, my hand found its way at the nape of her neck, so I started to rub small circles against the soft, wet skin, and for some reason, she seemed to melt at my touch. It felt good to know that we were finally on the same wavelength.

Actually, it just felt good to know that she would not flinch at my touch at all that had happened today.

Soon, she turned her neck to one side, which I had come to realize by now, was her way of asking me to rub the tension from her body. I chuckled lightly, before I started to rub away the knots in her muscles, and I planted a kiss on her cheek. It was a sad, pitiful kiss that begged forgiveness.

The act alone released a bundle of stress inside me so large that I felt lighter than air.

"You've spoiled me," she finally purred, half asleep.

"It's okay, you're worth it," I replied, and felt her relax even further against my body.

"I'm not angry with you. I hope you aren't angry with me," she added, and though I continued to massage, I was almost distracted with my emotions.

"Baby, I am not angry with you," I said, an air of finality in my voice. Sweet terms of endearment were saved for precious, private moments like this, and deep down I knew she was a huge fan.

The fact that we were not in the middle of an apology fest was odd, but I would prefer this honesty against the lies that would stem from an overly emotional plea of absolution.

Scully's eyes and actions alone said to me that she was sorry, and I know she felt the same vibe from me. Yes, we had said hurtful things, but some had been true.

Well, excerpt the part where she called me a fuck up…that actually still burned. Yet, I think we were both so willing to move on that we refused to think about it any further, for the time being.

"I suppose I know that, but it still feels good to hear," she sighed. Slowly, she became putty in my hands, and I could not help but feel that it was from her choice alone, not from manipulation. Scully was too strong willed to be distracted by affections, so I did not feel guilty.

"I'm just glad you still want to hear my voice," I admitted, and she began to rub her fingers against my thigh, which was admittedly my weakness.

"I did not expect you to come over tonight. I wanted you to, though," she continued.

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked, genuinely curious.

It was in my nature to make my needs known, which is why I showed up unannounced tonight, but I was well aware that it took courage. Though, why she would need courage to ask for my affections was unknown to me.

"Fear of rejection, I guess," she said with a shrug.

"Scully, I would never deny you. I can't imagine not wanting you, even on a day like today. I'm kind of surprised you admitted that," I praised, and I could see the edges of her eyes crinkle into a smile.

"I'm trying, and I think everything you've said today was completely right. Also, I think you should move in," she said all at once, and my head was almost spinning.

"Okay, I know today was intense, but let's not jump all at once. I appreciate your offer, but I couldn't…just…not right now," I explained.

"You're only saying that because you think I've been guilted or persuaded," she stated with a shake of her head.

"Fine, if we're being honest then yes, that's why I'm a bit reluctant," I admitted after a long pause.

"I can accept that, but I want you to know I'm speaking truthfully when I say that I want you to move in," she said firmly, and I nodded.

"In the future, maybe, but only if you still want it," I said as if to dismiss it.

"Good, I'm glad it's out there," she added with a nod.

"Oh, and Mulder?" she urged.

"Yes?" I said, my suspense hung in the air.

"I want to apologize. Please, please accept my apology. I was wrong," she said, and I could feel her intensity.

"…I accept your apology," I finally said, and admitted my weakness against her acid tongue earlier today.

Comfortable silence followed, and we dozed slightly together in the heat of the tub.

My fingers had eventually caressed their way across her body, before they came to rest at the small bump at the lower part of her abdomen. For some reason, this very domestic image seemed to burn itself in my mind, and some huge sense of pride seemed to vibrate through me.

Scully shifted on my chest, before I felt a vibration against my hand. Immediately, I became excited, and was wide-awake.

"Oh my God, did the baby just kick?" I asked in awe.

"No, Mulder, it's way too soon for that," she replied with a sneer of nose.

"Well, then what was that?" I asked, intrigued.

"I'm starving," she simply said.

For some reason, this very human response made me adore her, and I left the tub to go rummage around her kitchen to cook something for us.

* * *

_I did not want the conflict to be dwelled upon with an extensive apologetic scene, I think traces of it still have to exist within the story. Also, I can't help but think both of them would be far more willing to enjoy happiness together, rather than hash up the argument again, after being so shaken by each others words._


	4. Chapter 4

The smell of new aftershave, which my now glowing and _very_ pregnant partner purchased for me, mixed with the anxiety that tingled in my nerves, and the combination caused me to feel slightly nauseated.

Mrs. Scully, the one true saint in all of this and my constant supporter whether or not I deserved it, had planned a dinner for the family tonight. The _whole_ family…

( **AKA:** my formal initiation onto Bill's shit list for the rest of my life).

Scully had told him the news over the phone once she reached the halfway point of her second trimester, so he had yet to see either of us in the flesh since the revelation. Mrs. Scully, though she now insisted I call her Maggie, was thrilled. She assured me in private that she would do her best to talk some sense into him, but made sure to give me her praise as a means to lessen the wrath that was sure to come from her oldest son.

In an effort to be polite, I also assured her that Bill's scorn was not new to me, that he was entitled to his own opinion, and that I was neither offended nor angered. After all, we were only required to see each other a few times a year, if even that much.

Not that it really mattered, as he was Scully's brother, and my relationship with him was not relevant as long as her relationship with him remained intact. Hell, he had always hated my guts, though my feelings toward him did not extend past general dislike, and I had always known that would never change.

However, it was sure to be uncomfortable being glared at for a solid few hours while he fantasized about my eventual demise.

How could I blame him? It was my fault alone for most of Scully's problems, and not only had I been the cause of her sister's death, left her barren, fighting for her life, and psychologically damaged, but I had now changed literally everything out of nowhere when my miraculous seed had somehow beat the odds and found a home in her uterus.

What worried me most was that I was not sure which one of those he found the most disturbing, but even with Bill as the asshole he was, once he got one look at his little sister even _he_ could not have been so selfish as to deny that Scully had never been so happy in her life.

That fact alone made me smile…

"My dear, you're huge," I chortled behind her as she continued to primp in the mirror, and noticed her stifle a smile that threatened to spread across her face.

"What actually bothers me most about that is that you called me 'dear'," she replied.

"I like that I can joke with you again. A few months ago you might have taken my head off for that…" I hinted subtly.

" _Oh_ , cut me some slack," she retorted, and I laughed to myself.

One afternoon in the office, around her fifth month, I had remarked with glee that her pregnancy had become obvious. It had not been intended to be humorous or even hurtful, as I was thrilled to see that things continued to progress in a normal fashion, when Scully completed wrecked my innocent intent with a tremble of her lip.

I was horrified, and before I knew what had happened, she had angry tears stream down to the sides of her face, and she left the office abruptly. Later that night, when I returned back to her apartment (or rather now _our_ apartment), after having prepped one hell of an apology, she met me at the door with lust in her eyes.

With her kisses suddenly hot all over me, I almost forgot all that had happened that day, but then I paused to ask her where all of this had come from. Scully then shocked me further to apologize to me first, stating that she had overreacted due to hormones, and admitted that in the meantime as she awaited my return home, had found herself aroused for no reason in particular.

Confused as I was, Scully and I had amazing make-up sex that night without ever having had a real fight…it was like a dream come true. Soon, I realized that as her belly widened, her sex drive increased as well. If all these mood swings also meant an increase in our sex life, then I was happy to oblige my partner, despite my obvious bewilderment at first.

Truth be told, I could not fathom why men seemed to dread pregnancy: this was the most exciting time of our lives, from all the new experiences to the brilliant sex.

After our major showdown in the office, on the day that I revealed to Skinner about her condition, Scully insisted that it was time for me to move in with her so that I could be present at all times. According to her, not only was it long overdue, but it would have happened eventually regardless of our unexpected phenomenon.

At first I ignored her invitations, as I felt she had acted out of pity when she had asked me, but after a few weeks I realized that she was indeed serious about the matter. Once I knew her intentions were genuine and that I would not cause her internal distress, I moved the rest of my things into her place immediately, and it truly did not feel like an adjustment for either of us.

Aside from my general untidy habits…but we were working on that flaw.

Unfortunately, the lease on my old place would not be up for a couple extra months, so some of my funds continued to drain toward it. Normally, the money situation would never be a concern, but soon we both realized that we were without so many items that an infant required, and it was all quite expensive.

Not that we had ever hurt for money, especially now as a unit, but the entire situation posed more questions: do we split the costs? Should we get a joint bank account, like a married couple, and take the funds from that?

Then, of course, the _big_ one that had always lingered: would we ever get married?

Although this was always in the back of our minds, her family had started to suggest that we were somehow lesser because we were not joined in marriage, which I understood to an extent. Yet, that sort of negativity was unhealthy for Scully, as I know she dwells on those things in the solitude of her own mind, and the ever-present doubt placed against us annoyed me as well.

However, they were her family, so it was expected that they would want only the best for her, especially Maggie. Yet one day, even Skinner had asked me if we planned on making things official, in private, and I looked at him in shock.

_Et tu, Brute?_

Marriage seemed to be a far away possibility with all the present changes, and so the idea was placed on the back burner until we could effectively sort out our emotions enough (not that we had ever talked in depth about it to begin with). After all, love and commitment between two people did not have to be sealed with a vow of marriage.

Scully seemed to desire marriage even less than me, though I base this suspicion on assumption alone.

I _do_ know for a fact, however, that much to Scully's frustration, our reputation took an obvious hit at the FBI.

Mine had been shattered years ago, with Scully's not far behind due to her association with me alone. As the final blow for her, however, the rumor mill at the office was heated with speculation as to the condition of her pregnancy.

Many assumed I was the father, which of course was correct and almost apparent, but worse, yet, were the rumors that she had underwent IVF as a single parent (little did they know that even _that_ had failed long ago, the insensitive bastards).

Not because it was something to be looked down on, but because it placed Scully in the lonely, bitter light that many people assumed she lived, when it was so far from the truth of her character.

The "Ice Queen" reputation she had acquired over the years, which was so wrong, hurtful, and even absurd considering they did not know the depth of her compassion and strength, seemed to justify the IVF theory, which made the hurt all the worse.

We never talked about it, but I could see the damage in her eyes, because I knew that it hurt me too. The IVF theory also served as a reminder of the failed procedure a year previously, and although the sting of that wound was lessened, it had barely healed.

With all the excess conflicts a brew, the only thing I knew for sure was that I could and would love her deeply, and if that were enough to keep her happy, we would ignore the rest until it was relevant.

"Mulder, let's get going. We don't want to piss Bill off anymore than necessary by being late," she joked.

Lately her humor had shown brightly, and I could not tell if it was her psyche overcompensating, or if she truly was as blissful as she seemed.

"Oh? I had hoped that we would piss him off as much as possible. After all, there isn't much for me to do that would change his opinion," I admitted, and she laughed nervously in response because she knew it was true.

It was so _un-Scully_ of her that I almost worried.

A few minutes later, once we were in the car, however, the person that I was accustomed to started to unfold before me.

"Mulder…" she started after a sigh, almost unsure of herself, and I steeled.

"Scully…"

"It is highly probable that we are going to be assaulted by my mother and Bill at some point, about our title in regard to one another. Mom means well, but Bill's motives are a bit more questionable," she began, and I tried to decipher what she meant.

"And by questionable, you mean intimidating?" I over exaggerated, and after another sigh, she nodded.

"So, if and when they ask us about our future, I don't want you to feel any pressure," she admitted uncomfortably.

"Why would I feel pressured?" I asked lightly, in an attempt to hide my confusion.

"Well, for one, it isn't really something that we have discussed, and I don't want you to be more uncomfortable than necessary," she stated, eyes glued to the floor, and my discomfort increased.

It was so hard to read her these days that I feared my partner was lost somewhere.

"I'm not uncomfortable talking about us…it's just that it's always been understood between the two of us, and I never wanted to complicate things. Now that we've added more people to the mix, I'm sure they don't quite understand."

"But, what's been understood? I mean, do we have a plan?" she prodded, and there was something under the surface that I simply did not understand.

"A plan?" I asked, and when I looked over at her I literally saw the look of ultimate disappointment and sadness consume her eyes, even if it was just for a moment.

"I don't know what I'm saying," she sighed again, and I could tell her inability to express herself and be understood by me made her feel inadequate.

The urge to placate her and take her in my arms to reassure her overwhelmed me, but I knew better than to overprotect her, lest I face her scorn.

"No, don't…don't brush away your feelings like that. What's on your mind?" I pressed, and considered pulling the car over to talk it out, but realized that would scare her further if the situation became more intimate.

There was something so impersonal about a serious conversation while a person was driving…there was a sense of disengagement and distraction, which was the perfect criteria under Scully's guidelines for expressing her feelings in a non-threatening way.

"Scully…" I pressed again, worry now evident on my face, and she finally looked into my eyes.

"Does it…bother you…that we aren't married? Or, at least, aren't planning to anytime soon? Do you feel like we're doing all of this backward?" she asked.

Normally, I would assume a question like that meant the exact opposite for her, but a sense of uncertainty about her own question was evident on her face.

"I know that I'm fully committed to you, and that if I were to be married, it would be with you. I just…never thought it was appropriate to mention it to you… _yet_. Does it bother you?" I tried to tread slowly.

"A small part of me feels like it _should_ , but it doesn't…at least not yet," she tried to explain.

"The only reason I've failed to bring it up was because I never wanted the proposal to feel cheapened, simply because you became pregnant and it seemed like the right thing to do. Both your pregnancy and a possible proposal should be sacred events…respected separately. I always thought it would be selfish for me to ask you just yet," I admitted, and from her body language my truth seemed to impress whatever preconceived notion she held.

"I had never considered it quite like that, but I agree with all of it," she said, and tears now seemed to prick at her eyes.

"Scully, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I just wasn't sure if you wanted me yet in formal marriage, especially right now," I almost whispered.

"Why would you think that?" she pressed, and the tears continued to flow.

"There's so much going on in your life…I didn't want you to get weighed down and push me away."

" _Our_ life," she corrected after a sob, and I very nearly smiled.

"Scully, would you _want_ to marry me someday?"

"Yes! ...I just, never envisioned myself as wife. It always seemed so… cliché," she admitted with a sneer of her nose; quickly at first, and then slow at the end.

"So, should we tell them now that tonight is a sort of pre-engagement party?" I asked with obvious sarcasm.

"Mulder, we haven't agreed to anything," she almost laughed, but used her words as a subtle reminder to me in case I got carried away.

"All right then…do you feel better having talked this out a little before they ask us later?" I prompted, still slightly confused by her motive.

"Yes, I do; just so I feel more solid about it when they question us about what they see as chaotic."

"I mean…we're not going to go into detail with them, are we? This is the first we've discussed about it."

"No, no, of course not. I didn't want to seem like I was making excuses for us, when in reality I felt confused myself. Now I feel good about it."

For some reason, talk of marriage did not make us giddy, but rather grounded us, and the thought that Scully had come to accept this with me further proved that perhaps all of this could play out like a dream come true.

If God existed, like Scully believed, then I too could become a believer with all the good fortune that was bestowed upon us. Never was there a more deserving woman for happiness than Scully…and I was thrilled to share that happiness with her.

* * *

"Fox, honey, please have some more!" Maggie urged with a tender smile across the table, and I smiled sheepishly.

If I was right, her encouragement was a means to engage me away from Bill's persistent glare. He had remained effectively silent for most of the meal, and only spoke directly to Scully or her mother. Unfortunately for me, Tara had stayed at home with the children because they had all become ill with the flu, and I did not have her there to relax her husband. In fact, family dinner had become an awkward exchange between three people, with a fourth there almost as a ghost.

"Um, thank you, but I'm stuffed. It was a delicious meal; I really appreciate all of this," I said genuinely, and Maggie affectionately brushed my hand across the table.

"Well, Fox, you've certainly become like family over all these years, but now we're just so thrilled we get to keep you!"

"We?" Bill demanded gruffly, and I felt my cheeks redden from embarrassment. Next to me, Scully stiffened and cleared her throat in disdain. _Atta girl, get em' Scully_.

"You know, Mom, Mulder and I were thinking of picking up some things for the nursery sometime next week, and we'd love it if you could come," she said in an attempt to change the subject.

To see Scully as a daughter always fascinated me, because under Maggie's devoted love, and although sometimes her mother's diligence annoyed her independent streak, she always tried so hard to be more sensitive when she was involved. Scully's altruistic nature was always most evident around her, and it reminded me why she had always been patient with me even when I did not deserve it.

"Well of course!" Maggie replied, and it seemed as though it had made her day.

"Even after all this time, you still call each other by your last names? Is your child going to do the same?" Bill inquired with a frown. _Conservative asshole decides to start speaking up now?_

"I'm sure the terms 'mother' and 'father' will suffice," I replied, voice low, and finally glared back at him.

"Isn't it also going to confuse the poor child that you're unmarried?" Bill asked after a moment, obviously not satisfied, simply for the thrill of another conflict. Maggie now glared at him, but I felt Scully tense next to me like she was ready for battle.

Somehow, we were bound by the invisible force of our prior, private conversation, and I braced for whatever route she may take to divert his questions.

"Bill, are you suggesting that this child will be somehow lesser because we are not married? I mean, should we get married just to suit your conventions?" Scully asked boldly, in a manner that was usual in her conversations to _me_ , but _not_ to _Bill_ , and even I was shocked.

Then I remembered that pregnant Scully had more gall than average Scully, and felt a further kinship with the baby inside her. Suddenly, I imagined high-fiving our child symbolically through the womb. Momma Bear Scully was not to be toyed with, and I gleamed internally.

"Dana…" Bill said almost apologetically with an awkward look on his face. Now, both Maggie and I looked to her with traces of hilarity on our faces.

"Bill," she replied, wide eyed and matter-of-factly, as if to insinuate that she would not back down.

"I just…want what is best for you," he attempted to placate her, but she did not seem to accept the peace treaty.

"Besides, isn't it a bit hypocritical of you to urge me to marry Mulder, when in fact it would anger you more to know that we were legally bound?" she prodded further, and I briefly wondered why she did not pursue a career as a lawyer.

Bill was dead silent, amid Maggie's soft giggles, before she stopped.

" _Do_ you plan on getting married at anytime in the future?" Maggie now asked lightly, as she got up to take up the dirty plates, with a mix of hope and disapproval in her eyes depending on how we answered the question.

"Mom, we're taking one thing at a time," Scully admitted truthfully, in an almost exhausted manner, but her answer did not seem to deter her mother, who smiled immediately, and clasped her hands together. _I'd love to be able to read Scully like that…_

"Mrs. Scully, let me help you with the dishes," I replied after a moment, before I was accidentally stuck alone with Bill, and left Scully to catch up with her brother without me as a source of conflict.

In fact, the night passed with pleasant chatter between Maggie and myself, and I could even hear Bill laugh with Scully from the next room.

When the clock hit nine, after we had finished the dishes, I heard my companion get up to relieve herself of her weakened bladder, and I prepared our goodbye to her mother.

"It's probably time for us to get going. Thank you again for a wonderful meal…and wonderful company. I've always admired that the Scully clan was close knit, and as an outsider I'm grateful to be invited in," I thanked Maggie as truthfully as I could, and she nearly blushed as she pulled me in for a hug.

"Fox, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you always being there for Dana. I always knew you loved and would care for her, but now you've given her something that we thought was impossible," she expressed in a whisper, and I heard her become choked up.

"Believe me, Mrs. Scully, that this is the most phenomenal gift I've ever experienced. It would have been a complete heartbreak if she never got to become a mother…" I explained, and she nodded fiercely before she kissed my cheeks.

As I made my way out of the kitchen and down the hall, Scully suddenly peered her head out of the bathroom door.

Initially, I had intended to make a sarcastic comment about the stress her bladder had been under in the past month, but I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the look on her face.

"What's wrong?" I mouthed, and she quickly opened the door and ushered me inside.

"Mulder, I'm… bleeding pretty heavily," she whispered, voice shaky, and nodded toward the toilet. I suddenly focused my attention on the crimson heaps of toilet paper inside the bowl, and felt bile rise in my throat.

"This is…this can be normal, yes?" I asked nervously, and tried to hold on to some sort of stupid optimism.

"It is known to happen, but it's very rarely _normal_ ," she tried to explain as clinically and calmly as she had been trained, but I saw the fear in her eyes.

"I'm gonna get you out of here without suspicion, and we're going to the emergency room," I explained after a long moment of silence, when she all but stood there and stared at the wall in shock.

She then nodded quickly at my words, and the rest of the night became a blur.


	5. Chapter 5

Adrenaline pumped through my veins, which annoyed me as it caused the world around me to move in rather slow motion, when all I could think about was getting Scully to the hospital as quickly as possible. There was a sense of fear and bewilderment on her face as she breathed deeply next to me in the passenger seat, and while I so desperately wanted to speak with her to calm her down on the way, I feared that the tremble in my voice would have the opposite effect and send her over the edge.

Simply put, neither of us was calm enough to soothe the other, and that rather bleak realization took the breath from my lungs.

Soon, I began to drive erratically, and it confirmed to me that Scully was equally, if not _more_ , worried than me, because she did not attempt to rebuke my behavior. As we approached the emergency room, I parked, and met Scully at the side of her door, and my left hand gripped against her arm, though I was not sure if it was more in an effort to comfort her or myself.

The color in her cheeks had paled significantly, and as we approached the counter my concern was met with reality when I felt her go limp next to me. Rather ungracefully, I tried my best to brace her fall, and the receptionist shrieked before she ran toward us, with a team of nurses behind her trail. Immediately, once they noticed the blood between her thighs and the swell of her abdomen, she was whisked from me into another room.

In her absence from me, my time was spent in a blur of possibilities.

If Scully lost the child... _our_ child...there was no doubt in my mind that she would never recover. The hesitation she felt when she had first realized she was pregnant was bad enough, because she did not want herself to believe so readily when her risk of miscarriage was so high. And yet, now, in her third trimester, this travesty fell upon us, and it felt so much more devastating because we had actually fallen for what seemed to be a dirty trick.

A falsehood.

A lie.

A fallacy...

_No, no, no..._

I could not allow myself to brace for the worst before I knew any details, but there was absolutely nothing that I would be able to do for her if our worst nightmare came full throttle.

How would I be able to look her in the eyes again? To know that it was my fault for her infertility, and then to know that I had essentially wiped that slate clean, only to have it stolen from her again? All this heartache was what she had always tried to shield herself against, and I willingly brought this final end to her on accident. The room swirled around me with dark spots, and I briskly walked myself into a bathroom before I felt myself violently retch against the toilet.

There, in my solitude, after the illness ceased, I felt myself pray, for the first time in a long time, to a God I did not know if I could believe in just yet.

"I know that I haven't...done _much_ to ask for your help...but, you know as well as I do, that if you take this gift from that woman, it would be the greatest crime against humanity. All that she's done...all that I've done...for her to have been _so blessed_ with this gift...if I can allow myself to believe in you, I really don't see _how_ or _why_ you would do this. She's suffered so much... don't let this happen. Dear God...please, don't let this happen. She won't survive it... I know she won't survive it," I whispered pathetically inside the stall, amidst sobs, with my hands pressed together so hard that they tingled.

After a few minutes, the tears simply would not fall anymore, and I realized that having such a reaction when Scully needed me for strength was selfish and ridiculous. A few deep breaths allowed me to compose myself, and with my eyes rimmed red, I returned to the lobby to await the signal for me to see her.

Eventually, I called Skinner to tell him about what had happened, in the hope that perhaps he could offer some sort of support, and he agreed whole-heartedly that he would be there soon, though I felt lost and stupid after I hung up.

* * *

"Mr. Mulder...Dana is ready," the words that summoned me gave me chills. The fact that I had no rights to even hear about my family's situation ahead of time made me resent the bastard who had said the words to me, but I quickly forget my annoyance when I stood.

A wave of nausea ripped through me again, but I swallowed hard and steeled my nerves before walked down the white washed hall. When I opened the door, I found her with her head turned bitterly toward the window, away from my gaze, but there was a sense of anger that I could not understand.

"Please tell me," I choked, and did not even allow myself to sit down. Scully's head slowly turned toward me, and she narrowed her eyes before she took a deep breath. _No, tell me this isn't possible._

 _"_ We're fine...apparently with my age, a complication like this was to be expected," she replied bitterly, and I sank to the floor in relief, but was utterly confused by her bitterness.

"The baby is fine?" I managed to ask for confirmation, and she simply nodded before she turned to look out the window again.

"We were almost too late, however. It's too close for my comfort," she reprimanded herself, and it clicked to me.

"You can't... _blame_ yourself for this. The two of you are fine, that's...that's what matters," I tried to soothe softly, but she shook her head in disagreement.

"I shouldn't even be having a child at my age due to the risk of another, innocent life. The entire time I assumed I was normal...you know? Like other mothers. Perhaps if this had happened five or ten years ago, that would have been the case," she replied grimly, and her lack of warmth alarmed me.

"...Scully..." I tried to soothe again, but she held her hand up for me to stop, and it was then that I saw angry tears pool in her eyes.

"Don't, Mulder, don't do that. I don't need to be coddled...the baby and I are fine, as you said," she tried to explain for her own benefit, but I could see that it did not seem to help her out.

"What's the next step? Are you coming home?" I asked after a long moment of silence, in an effort to focus on a more positive subject.

"Yes, but I've been placed on strict bed-rest...just like an invalid," she mused to herself, and more tears pooled. Never had I felt so separated from her, and my lack of understanding frightened me beyond belief.

"I'll take care of you...of both of you," I promised, and walked toward her.

"How can you do that when I barely could?" she accused coldly, and my eyes widened in shock, though I had no real response to provide.

It made sense to me that this was a traumatic event, and if I had previously thought the absolute and darkest worst of the worst for her, then she was sure to have done the same as well. However, I had not anticipated that it would have marked her psyche in such a bold manner. Perhaps it would take time...I just hoped it would not be long.

'We'll need to tell Skinner..." she added, once she realized that I would not reply, out of fear for her reaction.

"I'll tell him...don't worry," I replied like a ghost, but when I finally looked into her eyes, I was not aware of the person who looked back at me, and I desperately wanted to mourn the loss of her spirit.

"I think I'd like to be alone, Mulder," she added softly, and although I could tell she had tried not to hurt me, the words burned like an acid had been thrown on my body.

"Of course..."I finally agreed.

After a pause, I swallowed hard, and moved to kiss her forehead out of habit. In the moment that sealed the deal, she flinched away from my touch before I could plant the kiss, and I flinched away as well, a look of horror on my face, although I had tried to hide it, and I quickly walked out of the room.

I found Skinner in the hallway, ever diligent and solemn, and he moved toward me.

"Mulder, what's going-" he began.

"-excuse me sir, I don't feel very well," I choked, and ran to the bathroom once again.

* * *


End file.
